What to Do When an Employee Cries in a One-to-One

As a manager, you’re often ready to talk strategy, performance and objectives. But what do you do when a team member breaks down in tears during a one-to-one? It’s a moment that can catch even the most experienced leaders off guard. Your response matters, not just to the person in front of you, but to the culture you’re creating.

Crying at work is more common than many realise. A 2022 UK survey by Totaljobs found that 32% of employees had cried in front of their boss, with many citing workload, stress, or feeling unsupported as causes¹. Another study by Vision Direct revealed that 55% of employees who cried at work did so due to stress, while 27% named burnout².

This guide is designed to help you respond with emotional intelligence, empathy, and professionalism — all while maintaining your boundaries and confidence.

Why Do People Cry at Work?

Tears can be a reaction to a wide range of emotional triggers — and they don’t always signal distress. Crying is a natural physiological response to stress, frustration, fear, or even relief.

Here are some of the most common causes:

• Burnout: When employees are running on empty, a check-in can be the tipping point.

• Personal issues: Health concerns, family struggles or financial stress can surface unexpectedly.

• Feeling unsupported: If someone feels they’ve been carrying too much or haven’t been heard, tears can be a release.

• Fear or pressure: Performance reviews, restructures, or poor communication about expectations can cause anxiety.

• Sudden feedback: Even well-intentioned feedback can feel overwhelming if delivered without care.

What’s important is not to make assumptions — instead, create a space where the employee feels safe and supported.

Step-by-Step: A Compassionate Response

1. Stay Grounded and Breathe

Your first instinct might be to fill the silence or rush to reassure — but taking a breath and staying calm is key. A grounded presence reassures the employee that it’s okay to feel vulnerable.

Try saying something gentle like:

• “It’s okay — take your time.”

• “There’s no rush, I’m here.”

• “Would you like a moment?”

These small signals give your team member permission to be human.

2. Offer Physical and Emotional Privacy

If you’re in a shared space or online meeting, ask if they’d prefer a more private setting. You might say:

• “Would you like to continue this in a quieter space?”

• “I’m happy to turn the camera off for now if that feels better.”

Protecting their dignity helps them feel safer and respected.

3. Be Present — Don’t Fill the Silence

Silence can feel uncomfortable, but in emotionally charged moments, less is more. Avoid the temptation to solve or shift the topic. Instead, just sit with them. Simple gestures like offering a tissue or a warm expression can speak volumes.

Use empathetic, non-judgemental language:

• “You’re not alone in this.”

• “It sounds like there’s been a lot on your plate.”

• “I’m listening — whatever you want to share, I’m here.”

What NOT to Do

Even with the best intentions, it’s easy to miss the mark. Here are some things to avoid:

• Don’t say “Don’t cry” — It can sound like you’re shutting down their feelings.

• Don’t over-apologise — Making it about you shifts the focus away from their experience.

• Don’t joke — Humour might seem like a way to diffuse tension, but it can come across as minimising.

• Don’t start problem-solving immediately — Let the emotions land before moving into action.

After the Tears: What Happens Next?

Once the immediate emotion has passed, gently explore what might help. You don’t have to fix everything, but you can:

• Offer a follow-up meeting

• Agree to reschedule the agenda if needed

• Signpost support like your EAP, wellbeing lead, or HR team

You could say:

• “Would it be helpful if we revisited this later in the week?”

• “Do you feel okay carrying on, or would you prefer a break?”

Take cues from their energy — some people prefer to carry on, others may need to step away.

Make a Note (But Don’t Formalise Without Reason)

You might want to briefly document what happened, especially if wellbeing support was discussed. But don’t escalate or report unless there’s a clear reason (e.g. safeguarding concerns or repeated signs of distress).

Building Emotional Intelligence as a Manager

Moments like these highlight the importance of emotional intelligence (EQ) in leadership. EQ is the ability to recognise, understand, and manage your own emotions — and those of others.

Research shows that leaders with high EQ are more effective, foster stronger relationships, and are more likely to retain staff³.

Here’s how to build it:

• Self-reflect regularly — how did you feel in that moment, and why?

• Practice active listening — show you understand, even without offering solutions

• Get feedback — ask your team how supported they feel

• Normalise emotion — model calm, open conversations about feelings

Creating a Culture Where Emotion is Safe

Crying shouldn’t be a taboo. When people feel psychologically safe, they’re more likely to speak up, trust their leaders, and stay engaged.

Psychological safety — a term coined by Harvard’s Dr Amy Edmondson — means people feel safe to take risks, ask questions, and show vulnerability without fear of embarrassment or punishment.

Organisations with high psychological safety have been shown to outperform others in innovation, retention, and engagement⁴.

You Don’t Need to Have All the Answers

You don’t need to fix everything. Your job as a manager is to be present, supportive, and human. Handling these moments well helps build trust, loyalty, and resilience within your team.

At Thrive., we believe that emotionally intelligent leadership is the future of work. If you’d like support developing those skills across your leadership team, get in touch — we’re here to help.

References

1. Totaljobs. (2022). UK Workers Crying at Work Survey. Retrieved from https://www.totaljobs.com/advice/uk-workers-cry-at-work

2. Vision Direct. (2023). A Third of Brits Have Cried at Work in the Past Year. Retrieved from https://workplacewellbeing.pro/news/a-third-of-brits-have-cried-at-work-this-past-year/

3. People Insight. (2023). Emotional Intelligence in Leadership. Retrieved from https://peopleinsight.co.uk/emotional-intelligence-in-leadership/

4. Harvard Business Review. (2019). The Value of Psychological Safety. Retrieved from https://hbr.org/2019/08/the-value-of-psychological-safety